


Downfall

by mordecry



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: M/M, alcolism isn't easy, brick tries, mordecai is being a prick, they need to work things out, warning: alcohol abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 22:37:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11300277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mordecry/pseuds/mordecry
Summary: Mordecai had been sober for a month, but things were never that easy and getting away from the things that had controlled your life for a long time was even worse.





	Downfall

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Alcohol abuse and swearing.
> 
> I was literally just going through some quotes about alcoholism (because i needed a title for a fanart) and couldn't stop thinking about these two, so I sat down and wrote something.

Brick shoved the door open with his foot, looking inside the dark apartment. The sniper kept himself hidden away in his apartment the last days. Mordecai was known to need a lot of time for himself and even though they were a couple now, occasionally the sniper fled to be left alone. Brick didn’t mind so much, when something like that happened he mostly went out Bounty Hunting alone until his boyfriend would be feeling better again.

Brick had also found himself helpless against the depression Mordecai seemed to struggle with. Some days or weeks were worse than others and Brick didn’t know how the help him, he didn’t even really understand what was wrong in the first place.   
It was complicated, but he wanted to help nonetheless, he just needed to figure out how first.

Normally the absence of his boyfriend wouldn’t make him worry so much. There had been days where he had locked himself away before, but this time was different. As Brick had gotten back to his own flat, he had seen that some of his money had gone missing. Well, missing was probably not the right word for it, he had his suspicions.

As he entered the small and dark living room, he could spot Mordecai hunched in a seat, dark circles under his eyes. His frame had always been thin, but right now he seemed even more unhealthy than before. Brick frowned.   
In the snipers hand was a bottle of Rakk Ale that Brick was sure had been bought from the money that had gone ‘missing’.    
  
A wave of anger went through Bricks body now. Falling back into old habits was one thing, stealing from him to do so was another.

Actually, both was bad. He believed that Mordecai had sobered up and was ready to get everything together. Apparently he had been wrong.   
After all they had been through together, seeing Mordecai being hunched in that seat with the bottle of slow death in his hand made Brick feel bad. He had been there when Mordecai had been roaming around the flat at night, unable to sleep because he was used to pass out drunk. He hadn’t had fallen asleep like a normal person for a long time and Brick tried to get him through it, held him when he shattered and build him up each and every time.

This setback now was like he got stabbed. All his efforts had been for nothing as it seemed.

Mordecai noticed him. He looked up from his seat and fixed Brick with his eyes. Bricks anger didn’t vanish at that. He could that anger was boiling up in Mordecais features as well, the way he moved almost too calm, the way he fixed his eyes on him as if he was some prey to be sniped out of existence. It was a wall that Mordecai mentally build up between them and Brick didn’t know how to break it down.

“Mordy.”, Bricks voice was alarming and controlled. He breathed in deeply and Mordecai could practically see the restraints that the giant had put on himself.

There was no direct sign, but Mordecai felt as if Brick was blaming him. Maybe it was his own mind that did the blaming, but he rather projected the cause of the bad feeling on Brick than on himself. He made a displeased face and turned his gaze away. He fumbled around with the bottle in his hand. Brick didn’t say anything at first. The silence made guilt settle down in Mordecais stomach, twisted his insides and he wanted to back out of this. His pride didn’t let him though, instead he shrugged slightly and put the bottle to his lips while not meeting Bricks gaze.

“Are you fucking serious?”, the other mans voice trembled and as Mordecai took the sip, he was looking right into Bricks eyes again.

He could see his heart breaking, he could see the others betrayal and he felt nothing right now except for a slight twitch in his guilt filled guts.

Brick eyes kept on fixing Mordecai and for the first time he wondered who that person in front of him even was. The sniper had many faces and most of them were for everybody to see, even though Mordecai didn’t want that. His emotions were like an open book for Brick, he had known the sniper for too long to not notice how he behaved when he felt a certain way.  
Mordecai had often accused him of being too observant.

But with his observing nature, there came also the perks of spotting the bad things. No one saw Mordecais attempts to make Brick hate him. Bricks heart broke a little bit more each time he understood what the sniper was trying to do. This would most likely turn out like such a situation again.

However, Brick wouldn’t back out of this now. That wasn’t his style and someone needed to set Mordecai back on his tracks, even though he needed to hold back not to directly snap at his lover.

“You wanted to stop.”, he said, voice as cold as Mordecais eyes.

Mordecai shrugged.

Brick bit down his lower lip, his hands trembled. “Mordy.”

The sniper looked away.

“You wanted to stop.”, Brick repeated.

“Go away.”

The giant man inhaled deeply. At least he had gotten Mordecai to say something. Usually that was step one to his inevitable breakdown. Brick would be lying if he would say that he wasn’t getting sick of this.

Silence fell again and Mordecai had turned his head away, his eyes were still fixed on Brick though. As he took another sip, he heard Brick exhale. His guilt was slowly replaced with anger and he grabbed the bottle tighter. Brick didn’t make a move.

His eyes made Mordecai crazy. Brick didn’t speak it out, he never would, but Mordecai could see his disappointment. Sometimes the sniper wished that Brick would flash out, at least once. He was pushing him to edges, but the other stayed put, stayed calm, tried to be so goddamn supportive and it made Mordecai angry.

He wanted to be shouted at. He wanted to be blamed. He wanted to suffer, but Brick didn’t want to let him.

“Mordy. Please. Put the bottle down, we can work this out.”, Brick said, softer this time even though it took him a lot.

He loved Mordecai, he truly did. He held onto the good things and he didn’t want to lose him because of this.

“I don’t want to work this out! I want to be left alone.”, his voice cracked for a moment, made him sound more vulnerable than he had intended to.

Brick sighed deeply and Mordecai looked at him. Daring, competitive but something in his eyes was still pleading. Brick couldn’t take this any longer and started to move.

But instead of leaving Mordecai alone, he walked towards him. The sniper shivered for a moment, seemed to grab his bottle tighter, but didn’t make a move. Brick ignored Mordecais previous words.

“And what about Talon? Didn’t you want to be there for him?”, Brick asked.

“Don’t.”

“Come on Mordy, you said yourself you can’t raise him deadbeat drunk.”

Mordecai suddenly stood up and staggered a bit. “Don’t you fucking start with this Brick! Don’t start! I don’t wanna listen to your stupid crap. Keep the blamin’ for someone else, just piss off!”

“Goddamn, I’m here to help – “

“I don’t want your goddamn help! I don’t need you!”

“But my money was good enough for yah?”, it sounded more like a statement, Brick shrugged while saying it and he tried to hide the pain in his words.

For a moment Mordecai went quiet, fury flicking up in his eyes. He was quiet because he felt guilty. Bricks suspicion had been right after all.

“Yeah. It was good enough.”, Mordecai agreed, sounding careless, even though Brick could clearly see the guilt in his body language. The way he stood slightly hunched backwards, the way he turned away to the side, as if he wanted to run away.  
Still the words cut deep.

It was hard. So goddamn hard for Brick to keep up with this. Feeling sorry, feeling sympathy for Mordecai in moments like this was near impossible. When he was being a selfish piece of shit, that was out to hurt. He lashed out, brought down everyone around him and tried to bury himself even deeper. It was so hard to offer help when it wasn’t wanted but needed.

“You’ve been sober for the last month. Why now? Why like this?”, Brick cut out the pain that came with the others behavior and tried to keep his patience, even though it was still on a thin thread.

“Piss off!”, Mordecai snorted, disappointed at Bricks calmness.

“Mordy- “

“Son of a bitch! GO!”, anger and poison mixed together in his voice. “I DON’T WANT YOUR HELP, I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE!”, he shouted and took a deep breath afterwards, grabbing the bottle tighter and taking another sip much to Bricks disagreement.

“You think you can help me, you think all of this solves magically! So what? Yeah, I haven’t done this in a month but it didn’t get better, Brick! It didn’t nothing is getting better! It’s shit! You’re shit! Being sober is shit! All of this sucks so fuck off!”

Brick swallowed unable to find the right words.

“Just … let’s figure this out.”, Brick offered, pleading almost.

“No! For fucks sake! Ugh!”, he drank another sip, made a face and staggered again as he attempted to walk away.

“Talk to me. What is wrong?”, Brick tried again, but Mordecai flipped him the bird.

Brick breathed in.

“Just go. You think you can help, but you can’t. Fuck off.”

Brick left. 

 

* * *

 

 

_The behavior of an addict is completely irrational until you understand that it is a sickness._

Zed had told Brick the next morning.  Zed couldn’t do much for them though, he had merely pointed out that he was not that kind of Doctor (and no doctor at all). And Brick knew as much as before.

Brick had hoped for more information, for a lead, something that could have told him how to handle Mordecai at this stage, because he really wanted to help, but simply didn’t know how.

“Talk it out, I guess.”, Zed mumbled as an attempt of help.

 

* * *

 

 

Brick stood on Mordecais doorstep, breathing in for a moment and feeling even worse than last night as he had left that house. He felt guilt for not being able to do something for Mordecai, but something in the backside of his mind reminded him, that the sniper had brought this down to himself and that Brick shouldn’t feel bad for it. He banned that thought almost immediately, he felt even worse for thinking that. 

It took him a few seconds more before he shoved Mordecais door open and stepped into the flat. Last night he hadn’t even really notice the stench of alcohol that was now clearly there.

He didn’t even want to know how much the sniper had poured down to numb his body and mind.

His feet brought him back into the living room and he spotted the thin frame of his boyfriend on the small old couch. His back was turned to Brick and his breaths were even, probably still sleeping.

Brick sighed slightly and looked around, found around 5 bottles of Rakk Ale next to the bathroom door. His eyes went back to Mordecai who had shifted and turned around on his back. His eyes were open and didn’t hold any venom from last night. There was only guilt and hatred underlined by dark circles. He looked exhausted.

“Mornin’.”, Brick said, suddenly the anger and insecurities caused by their fight last night vanished. Mordecais guilty face made him feel as if not all hope was lost.

Mordecai slowly pushed himself up in a sitting position. His dreads were messy and added to the look of the scruffy alcoholic you would find on various shows of the echonet. “Mornin’…”, the Truxican said heavy and looked over to Brick.

He made eye contact immediately and Brick shifted a bit. No matter how bad it got, the sniper would always look you right into the eyes why he lost all grounding. Sometimes it amazed Brick. At times the other could be a coward but not when it came to his own downfall.

“How are you feeling?”, Brick asked, walked over to the couch and sat down next to Mordecai. He shifted upwards, making more room for Brick and pulled his thin legs up.

“Cut it out.”, he mumbled. Brick sighed.

“Mordy – “

“Let me just … let me get it right.”, he cut Brick off and closed his eyes.

Brick stayed quiet and watched Mordecai. He saw him working, he saw how hard he tried to find words to say, but they wouldn’t leave the snipers lips. Not now and probably not ever, so his gaze went through the room again, fixing the bottles at the bathroom door.

“What’s that about?”, he cut through the heavy silence and Mordecai opened his eyes, followed Bricks gaze and snorted slightly.

“I ugh …”, he started and fumbled around with his words. “I wanted to pour the stuff down the toilet.”

“You _wanted_?”

“Decided that the harm’s done and got drunk in the bathroom.”, he said, his gaze still fixed on the bottles before he cracked a smile. “… ‘Passed out there too, woke up with my face stuck to the tiles. Then I moved over to the couch and you came.”

Brick chuckled slightly and thought it served Mordecai right.

Mordecai sighed deeply then, closing his eyes again and Brick could see how his mind started to work again. But at least it didn’t feel as tense as before anymore. He felt as if they could make this work.

“Alright … listen up, Cabrón.”, the Truxican said eventually. “I don’t know about last night … I just … you know even before … Blood – “, he stopped, made a painful face and Brick wanted to interfere and tell him that it was okay, that he didn’t need to continue. But he didn’t.  
“You know even before that I was bad. Really bad. Sometimes it’s worse …”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It is how it is, I can’t change it. I can’t make it better.”, his gaze fixed Bricks eyes again. “And you can’t either.”

The words hurt, but it was different than last night. Mordecai wasn’t angry, he wasn’t being a prick. He tried to explain and Brick was glad they were talking seriously now. (Even though he would rather avoid things like this with Mordecai, he knew it was needed now.)

“Alcohol helped, you know? It – ugh – shoves the thoughts away. It made me feel good but … that was some time ago, now it doesn’t make me feel good anymore, empty at best.”, he continued but his eyes had shifted away. Brick looked away as well.

“That was … when drinking started to suck. I don’t know … it felt like fading away, ‘u know? Every time I got drunk I – “, he stopped and bit his lower lip. “Every time _I get_ drunk I feel something leavin’. I don’t know how to explain it. I continued until there was nothing left but emptiness and I hoped when I stop drinking the emptiness fades away too and it might not get good, but better than this.”

“Sounds … bad.”, Brick mumbled, unsure how to answer. “Yeah.”, Mordecai agreed.

 “Stopping didn’t make you feel better?”, Brick asked and knew the answer already. Mordecai looked back to him and cracked a pained smile. “Guess not.”, he said.

Then he sighed and put his hands in his face, stroke over to scruffy features and messy beard.

“Figured … when it’s empty, I could fill it up with alcohol at least? I guess? I don’t know. I was frustrated.”, he admitted and snorted. “Being sober sucks.”

Brick didn’t know what he could say now. He still refused to believe that this was something Mordecai had to go through alone, he would refuse to let him go down like this and was still willing to help, even though he had no idea how to care for a depressed alcoholic. Not that Mordecai would let him anyway. But he wanted to do something at least.

The giant shifted and thought about hugging Mordecai, but he knew him too well to know that this wouldn’t work right now. Even though they had been together for quite a while, figuring out how to comfort one another was still hard.

“Do you still have bottles left?”, Brick asked after more moments of thinking. Mordecai seemed to snap out of his own thoughts and looked at his lover for a few moments.

“Ugh…”, he hesitated. “Yeah? Why? Wanna get drunk?”

“Thought more about draining it down the toilet.”

Mordecai made a face, obviously displeased with the mere thought of it. “I don’t know. Sounds like a bad idea.”

“My specialty.”, Brick joked and stood up, looked around for a moment. “So, where’s the stuff?”

“You’re not gonna throw away my booze man.”

“Not me, you’re gonna do it.”

Mordecai huffed. “Nah. What if I don’t wanna?”

Brick fixed his eyes long enough on Mordecai to see him shift. He wasn’t particularly in a bad mood but was dangerously close to it. Brick didn’t care though, right now he wanted to do something, to make at least one step into some direction. He wasn’t even sure if it was good to do it, maybe it would be better to leave Mordecai his drinks, but in the end didn’t trust Mordecai to not get drunk again.

“I’m leaving then.”, he said and shrugged.

“Alright, didn’t say you have to stay here.”

“No … I mean,” Brick hesitated and sighed. “I’m leaving _you_ then.”

Mordecais eyebrows went up, his eyes widened a bit but the expression was dropped as soon as he stood up. A wave painful wave went through his hungover body and head.

“You serious?”

Brick nodded. “I don’t wanna do that, but … I can’t do _this_ no longer either. You’re being a prick when you’re drunk and I want you to stop.”

“You make me choose?”

“I make you choose between me and your alcohol, yes.”

_It should be an obvious choice_ , Brick thought but wasn’t even sure if Mordecai would take the right turn now. His boyfriend was especially good at bad life choices.

The sniper was quite for a long while, too long for Bricks taste and he partly feared that it would really be it now, but then Mordecai sighed deeply.

“Cabrón.”, he said and sounded as annoyed as ever. “Fine.”

With that Mordecai stumbled forwards, made a half-hearted attempt to shove Brick out of the way while passing him, but ended up with shoving himself away instead. He went over to some cupboards in his kitchen and took out a few bottles.

“Wow, creative.”, Brick commented and Mordecai looked over his shoulder. “Huh?”

“I dunno. Thought about you having secret stashes all over your flat. Something harder to find.”, Brick said but Mordecai just shook his head without commenting.

The giant man moved over to his boyfriend and opened one of the bottles just to hand it over to Mordecai and gestured towards the sink.

The sniper made a displeased and long noise, bevor he sighed and emptied the bottle in the sink. Something inside of him died while doing it and he was honestly not sure if it was a good sign or not.

It didn’t make him feel better, not at all, but what did these days even?

Brick didn’t help, he simply watched and Mordecai felt horribly small next to him. He felt vulnerable and he wanted Brick to leave him alone, but he knew he wouldn’t leave now.

So instead of constantly fussing, he complained once in a while about Brick watching his every move (and that he should take a fucking picture if it was that interesting) and got rid of the stuff as fast as possible. Afterwards he still felt bad, but at least Brick stopped watching him like that.

“Happy?”, Mordecai asked annoyed.

“Not yet.”, Brick answered. “I don’t want you to take my stuff just like that to buy yourself drinks.”

Mordecai looked away this time, uncomfortable with the topic. He knew Brick would talk about it at some point, even though he had hoped he wouldn’t bring it up. Somehow this had been a step that made feel like Mordecai had hit rock bottom. In all the years of his drinking he had never ever stolen from somebody, but last night had been just that bad.

Usually he had enough money himself, but he had spent all of it on munition and other goods and he wasn’t feeling like making money with bounty hunting and so he had found himself at Bricks place. He felt bad while taking it and even worse while buying booze. But the moment he had drowned his guilt in the Rakk Ale he had forgotten about it and hoped it would never be brought up again. God, it would take a while for his pride to recover from that.

“’Sorry.”

“Good.”, Brick felt lighter somehow. “Told you we gonna work this out.”

Mordecai snorted and looked up to his boyfriend, still feeling small and vulnerable.

“Oh, shut up dumbass.”

Brick chuckled and smiled down to Mordecai, honestly and heartfelt.

Even though he didn’t know why the other has had that downfall last night it was okay now. Mordecai hadn’t made up for it and something inside of Brick was still angry, but most part of him found the strength to forgive. Brick knew that he couldn’t keep this up much longer though.

But he felt as if they had accomplished something at least and maybe this was the first and best step to get Mordecai away from drinking.   
  


* * *

 

 

Mordecai hadn’t told Brick about his secret stashes, he hadn’t told him about the remaining bottles in his flat and even though it made him feel bad, he couldn’t bring himself to get rid of everything yet.

He got rid of it 2 weeks later as he got drunk on the memory of Bloodwing.


End file.
